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I’m counting on your standards being lower than mine. Also, my son Ghengis is the most important man in my life. I’m [Your Name] my hobbies include leaves, the fall, pumpkin spice lattes, apple picking, and whatever else girls are into at the moment. I prefer women who talk a lot about their ex and a love for bootyliciousness.
If you like protein shakes, and getting caught at the gym, if you’re not into crossfit, if you have half a brain, if you like making gains at midnight, while curling in the squat rack, I’m the love that you’ve looked for, message me and be swole m8It’s tinder, let’s be real you just want my tits I don’t know who you are. I’m not the type of girl you have to hold in farts for, but rather the type of girl you want to hold in farts for. Every single time a man sleeps with a lot of women, he’s called a stud. My tits and I have one thing in common and that’s we’re a little bit more than a handful. I love cookies, anal and milk If you like your women like you like your microwaves look no further: Cool on the outside. I like long walks down the beach and …I just wanna make out, cuddle in baggy clothes while watching movies and I dunno maybe put my hand down your pants… You can also find me on Sniffr (it’s like Tinder but for dogs)5 Stars: “A perfect gentleman” – Anonymous Tinder woman.5 Stars: “Made 50 Shades of Grey seem as tame as the Teletubbies” – Anonymous Tinder Woman1 Star: “Stop asking me for a review you weirdo” – Anonymous Tinder Woman5 Stars: “So sweet” – Mark’s mum So you’re looking for ‘the one’ huh? but you’ll be so sexually starved when you do that you’ll fu*k him on the first date, he will lose interest, the sweet texts will stop and you’ll be all alone with your pizza rolls swiping left and right again while he dates someone that’s challenging enough to keep his interest for longer than a weekend. The slowest drink at the saddest bar on the snowiest day in the greatest city.
I’m just here for sex from a white boy with mommy issues. But if you swipe right, I will match with you, I will flirt with you and I will fu*k you. I’m not good at taking off bras so don’t worry, I won’t ask you for casual sex.
I’ll still kiss you after you give me a rim job and I do a lot of yoga. But what I do have is a very particular set of skills. I hunt, fish, critique porn and thoroughly enjoy getting stoned in the woods with Mary Jane and Jack. Let’s recreate the Human Centipede and sew your mouth to my butthole. Two things I don’t fuck with: rattlesnakes and condoms. Hobbies: I’ll treat you like a Disney princess on the streets and a porn princess between the sheets.
I like laughing, dogs, lots of food, beer, outdoor activities, and adventures. I’m super in shape thanks to my strict diet of Mountain Dew and twizzlers. When She’s walking home wards the monastery she thinks about how this is possible as she’s never had sex. The closest unicorn looks at your ass against the glass.